Monday, April 29, 2013

Having my Family Dinner and Not Eating it Too.

As a food addict I often exclude wheat and sugar as they are associated with overeating.  As I work on being good to myself and providing for my sister (I am also her legal guardian) I often look for great alternatives.  A few years ago I discovered the world of food blogs (it was not good for my eating plan, I had given up Food TV, Food magazines and bought fewer cookbooks)...and then I find more food to ogle, drool over and dream of cooking.  One of the blogs I found and grew to love was "Gluten Free Girl" then it became "Gluten Free Girl and the Chef" and then they had Lucy and I could not resist.  Honesty, stories of friends, family, life on MY was too good to be true and it still is.  Tomorrow when I return home I hope to find, this: I will be cooking from it. The best thing is that there will be ideas and recipes I can use on my abstinent food plan. I found a great salad dressing in her first book, wonderful Pizza ideas from the 2nd and I am sure more from this one.

My family who is mostly just my sister and me do not have the usual dinners most families do.   I have mostly worked odd hours, so dinner time becomes a solo event for all of us.  I love the times best though when the instances of my closer family members join in, or my farther away family members come to the Island.  Food always draws us together.  We all have fond food memories and a fondness for food.  Many of my siblings are good cooks and one sister cooks professionally.

My mother cooked mostly from scatch from the 40's to late 70's.  I know my love and interest grew from those days.  Sniffing out all the wonderful smells from the kitchen and looking forward to particular favorites were a part of life.  Weekday family dinners together were unusual but I looked forward to the weekend dinners, where most of the time all of us ate together.  My mother was different though because she fed us in shifts. She said my Dad was tired from a long day of commuting and needed quiet so she fed him last and alone, just with her. I think it was because she wanted him to herself.  Aside from this quirk I learned real food was the best. Even when family members are eating solo the food is often cooked together.

I have always loved to cook.  My mother ran her kitchen and never let us in (well once she let me make muffins after I learned in Home Ec)  Since then I have cooked from scratch, baked bread, canned, made unusual dishes and am always on the lookout for new and unusual ideas around food.  I found some of these ideas in both of Shauna's books so I am looking forward to her new one.  When it arrives (after I peruse) -it will be the book on the special book holder in front of the other books.  I will be truly excited to have another one from Shauna and her Chef.  This book will have stories and ideas and recipes and be filled with Joy, because the Ahrens are that way.

To fulfill my cooking and feeding need I cook on my weekends.  I usually cook a few meals to get us through the week, so usually at least one day a week I am in a cooking frenzy.  My son and his girlfriend some by to see what I have made.  Our roommate checks in for a taste.  My son in law may be over helping with some project and has samples and takes some home to my daughter. The house is filled with a variety of foods to sample and then store away for a working woman and her family.  It may be only once or twice a week but when we cook, we cook!  And this week we will be cooking from this

Thank you Shauna, Danny and Lucy.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Al Rocker

I saw a spot today about Al Rocker and his weight loss. He had gastric bypass and still was struggling. He realized that it is like an addiction and that he has to be digillent. I feel like saying "duh" not to be disrespectful because I know the struggle so well....just because I see how obvious it is- yet it takes more than merely seeing the truth- you have to fight it. And as anyone who has struggled with this addiction would say- all the other addictions have one good point;  you can give them up totally, but with food you still have to eat. That means the trigger is there everytime you need to eat.

The cycles, problems, reasons, things you are hoping to bury are the same with all addictions with minor variations for all addicts when it comes to their story. We all have tried many different ways but it seems to me food addicts have too many different theories and ideas to choose from it can be conflicting and overwhelming. For many it can be a lifetime struggle to find the right way that works...and by working that does not mean losing the weight - most have done it many times.

I can say for me I will lose weight and then forget I am different- I forget I can gain it back, losing it did not make me different, everything is not solved.  I am still. even when thin, ~ a food addict. Just like an alcoholic I am forever a foodaholic. I just can not totally give up food. I have to learn other ways. I have to keep exercising- everyone should - but I HAVE to. I have to pay attention to what I eat, how much, how often, is it the right thing, am I really hungry or I am sad, lonely, bored, ashamed, miserable, happy, celebrating, brooding or just not feeling right? I have to be aware. And like any addict I need the 12 steps, I need to work on the program.